Journal #9 - Turks and Caicos

As you can probably already tell, I like to question the idea of nature. What actually constitutes this idea of nature? It seems so simple, but when we think about it in more detail, what actually is nature? It is difficult to put a finger on, and it is subjective. The perception of nature varies from person to person. Something that I might view as nature may not be thought of as nature by the next person. The concept of this is extremely interesting to me.

Beginning this class, the first things that popped into my mind when I thought of nature were a lush green landscape. Somewhere that is not surrounded by the city but instead is completely on its own. Since the beginning of this semester, my ideas of nature have expanded, but also narrowed at the same time. I do not believe anything manmade is nature. I believe that nature has to have certain benefits that one receives from it—a sense of peace and perspective. This was something I had never thought of before. Additionally, there’s certain types of nature that I never would have considered nature before, but I do now. My desert landscape from back home, for instance. It is something that I had gotten so used to growing up in that I never considered it nature.

Another place that I wanted to expand upon more is somewhere I visited this summer. I never would have considered it nature, but the feelings I had while I was there, and the characteristics of it all add up to it being nature.

This summer, I visited the Turks and Caicos Islands for a weekend. It was beautiful. The water was pristine and blue; the sand soft and white. I had never seen such a stunning place before.

There was something about the lifestyle at Turks and Caicos that just moved slower. This island moved no where near the pace of the hustle and bustle of London that I lived in for a summer. People lived their lives relaxed and unstressed. There were no pressing deadlines—just a beautiful island to enjoy life on.

But beyond this, the beach I went to was completely deserted. It was not one of those resort-y type beaches that was crowded with tourists. It had barely any people. All I could hear were the gentle waves lapping against the ocean. All I could feel was the warm sun beating down on my skin. All I could taste the salty air. Everything was so simple and I loved it.

Immediately stepping on this beach, I felt at peace. Serenity washed over me. I forgot about all the stresses of my life and just took in the beauty around me. I was in absolute awe of how beautiful and diverse the world could be. From the desert of my home in Arizona, to the lush green forests of Switzerland, to this. The world is truly amazing.

I sat on this beach for a long time. My first day here, I watched the sun set on the ocean. As I sat there, I was not thinking about much. I was just happy. Happy to be in Turks in Caicos. Happy to be surrounded by such great friends who I travelled with. But most of all, I was and am grateful to be alive. Our world is beautifully diverse!

Look at this view!!

Journal # 8 - The Streets of London

I studied abroad in London and it was a city that immediately captured my heart. I loved the hustle and bustle of the city. Everyone always had somewhere to go, something to do. But it was not only that, it was the fact that Londoners walked or biked everywhere. It was rare for someone to own a car in the city, and I loved that. There were always so many cool things to do, from the touristy attractions like the Royal Palaces and the London eye, to the more local hubs, like shopping on the Portabello Road Market or grabbing a bite to eat at the local pub.

However, one thing that I never realized until I started taking this class was the apparent lack of nature in London. After all, it is a city. It is incredibly fast-paced; the city almost never sleeps. But where is nature?

Don’t get me wrong, the city has beautiful and magnificent parks that I believe the city counts as its form of nature. During nice times of the year, you will see these parks busy with locals and tourists alike, enjoying the weather and relaxing. However, is this truly nature? I don’t think so. These parks, after all, are manmade. They were not constructed by nature and left unharmed by the hands of man. No, instead these parks were created by man. Created for some sort of escape for the average Londoner in the city; a city where no nature really exists. How is it that someone can truly experience the full benefits of nature when it is manmade?

Take this picture above for example. I never noticed this before, but when I visited London again this past summer, I took a picture by the London eye. What do you notice? Yes, the London Eye in all its magnificent beauty and the beautiful, old-time architecture surrounding it. The sky is blue, and the sun is shining in all its glory. But… what about the water? What do you notice about it? It does not look blue to me. It looks pretty brown.

This made me think about the pollution that probably comes along with a big, industrial city like London. How London has so little nature in it. So little of these natural things that help keep our world healthy and alive. The things that keep our sky clear and our water blue. However, London does not have any of it. 

I think the hustle and bustle of a city is a great thing. However, it is also important to have a balance between the city and nature. I can only imagine that city life can get extremely routine and dreadful when one has lived it for years and years. We need something to break up routine, to give us a breath of “fresh air,” and to cleanse us. Nature serves this purpose, and it is important that humans understand this.

Journal #7 - Untitled

Sometimes things happen in your life. Things happen that are so unexpected, so wild, so tragic, that they absolutely wipe you off of your feet and you cannot find your balance, no matter what you try to do. Sometimes these things are unbearable. It leaves you mad. hopeless. confused.

This journal is untitled, and it is untitled for a reason. This past week, I have been a ball of emotions, ranging from widespread grief to uncontrollable anger to complete and utter hopelessness. But most of all, I have been at a loss for words. Sometimes, words cannot even begin to touch the surface for how we feel or what we are going through. Because of this, writing this journal is difficult. I have struggled all week to find the courage to write about this—to let people know the struggles I have been going through. In me writing this journal, I am facing my emotions and understanding that this past week has not been normal. It has taken time for everything to sink in. To put it blunt, this week has been heartbreaking.

I never would have expected to receive the news I did when I woke up last Monday morning. A close friend to my family and my sister’s big in her sorority, Elle, was shot in the Las Vegas shooting. When we first heard the news, we knew nothing other than Elle was shot in the back of the head and was in the hospital. She had survived the shooting. But no one knew what her recovery would look like. Was she going to make it through the day? If she did, was she going to be in a coma for the rest of her life? Was she ever going to wake up? What kind of brain damage was she going to suffer from? There were so many unknowns floating around that no one, not even the trained professionals, had the answer to.

Nothing. And I mean nothing, will prepare you for this kind of news. The call you get when you're told your friend was shot. A shooting that could have been prevented. A shooting where you friend was just in the wrong place in the wrong time. So many things started tormenting my head. What if she didn’t go to the concert? What if she was standing in a different area? Would she have been okay then?

And then I started to research. This shooting. This man, Stephen Paddock, he went on an absolute rampage. Why? I was enraged. How could one person do so much damage? It is not okay. It is not fair. Elle, along with nearly 500 other people, should not be in the hospital, injured, or dead right now because one man decided he wanted to shoot a bunch of people. One man.

I could not get these thoughts to go away. Everything in my daily life started to seem so small, so pointless compared to what just happened. Elle was in a hospital fighting for her life. I was going to class, trying to complete assignments, trying to keep up with my normal daily routine. I honestly could not get back on my feet. Everyone around me was joking around, acting happy, and going through life as normal. I think what got to me the most was that life just moved on. It was like the world took a little “trip” in their step on Monday to mourn the Las Vegas shooting, and then on Tuesday everything was back to normal. We had to get back into the swing of things because that’s life, right? We can’t fall behind in our work because that’s inefficient. We have things to do. People to see. So everything is okay. Right?

Wrong.

Later this past week, my sister and I received further news from another one of our friends from high school and fellow co-worker this summer at American Airlines, Ally. One of her close friends at University of Arizona, was shot and killed in the Las Vegas shooting.

Again, I fell deeper into these pained emotions. I questioned everything. I questioned why this happened. Why was the world so cruel?

I spent most of my week slapping a fake smile on my face and pretending everything was okay. I went to class and studied at the library as normal because I did not want anyone to suspect that I was upset. The only person I really talked to any of this about was my sister, who also was extremely torn up about the situation. I tried my best to be there for her throughout this week while maintaining this facade to my friends that I was okay. "Nothing was wrong." I would go home at night and be exhausted from pretending I was alright when I really was not.

So what does any of this have to do with nature? Strangely enough, I felt like I was drowning in my everyday life. I felt like I was being pounded down from every direction with school, friends, work. Nothing was giving me peace. I needed an escape. And what provided that to me? Some alone time in nature. On Friday, I went for a run outside along the Trinity trails to clear my head. This helped so much. I was able to spend some time alone, away from people and just be with my thoughts.

I thought about everything that happened this past week.

At the end of my run, I found a secluded bench along the trail and just sat there. I sat there and I cried. I cried for the first time since I received all this news. I cried for Elle. I cried for Ally's friend. I cried for all the victims of this terrible shooting. I had so many pent up emotions I had been holding in all week. I had not mourned. I needed this time alone to comprehend and process all that had happened. I could not grasp how one person could cause so much death and destruction.

I thought about not only the Las Vegas Shooting, but everything else that has happened in the world lately.The Las Vegas shooting is not the only shooting that has happened in the world or even in the United States. I never thought about any of these other tragic events as much as I have the Las Vegas shooting. This, after all, is human nature. We don't think much about things that do not affect us personally. Or at least, we think "wow. that's horrible." We mourn it for a day or two and life moves on. That is not okay.

My time outside in nature on Friday cleared my mind. I think I finally understood that what happened to Elle and Ally’s friend actually did happen. It all is terrible. However, the best we can do right now is be here for one another and rally behind change for the future so something like this will not happen again.

Given the circumstances, Elle is doing wonderful in her recovery! When she got shot, an off-duty EMT was standing right next to her. Her took care of her and took her right to the hospital. This was crucial in her survival. She was rushed into emergency surgery where the bullet was successfully taken out of her head and she was placed in a medically induced coma. It has been a slow progress, but she is awake now and has passed all neurological and cognitive tests. Her recovery is honestly a miracle.

Elle has been extremely lucky. She has made huge positive strides every day which is wonderful news. However, there were many people who were not as lucky as Elle. The road to recovery for many, both physically and mentally, is a long and grueling process. Everything is not okay, and that is okay. We can only hope for a positive future where events like this will not happen again.

I know that this journal was not directly about nature, but I felt like it was needed. Nature provided an escape for me. It provided much needed healing, and I am truly grateful for that. 

Journal #6 - Visit to the Fort Worth Nature Center

Walking along our Trail

As the semester progresses, I am getting in to the routine of things. Fall break is right around the corner, parents weekend has passed and midterms are next week. Each week is starting to pass by quickly and I am starting to wonder where my senior year is going.

This class has been a great change of pace in the busy-ness that is my semester. I am so used to sitting in the classroom, listening to lecture after lecture, or wasting away in the library, hunkering down over my accounting textbooks and wondering when I will ever leave the table. However, it puts the world in perspective and makes you appreciate the little aspects of life.

This past week was our third visit to the Fort Worth Nature Center. This time and the last time we visited the nature center, we helped out by filling out the uneven surfaces on the trail. In order to do this, our team shoveled dirt and clay rocks that was piled up on the side of the trail on to the uneven places on the trail. We filled up the irregular places that may be unsafe for trail walkers by moving the dirt to these areas, raking the dirt to make it even, and then packing it in.

The task of moving one pile of dirt to another pile of dirt seems like a repetitive and pointless task at face value. However, it is great to go out to the Nature Center, be outside and do something for the community. The officials at the nature center were so thankful and kept saying how much we really helped them out.

Beyond just evening out the surface of the trail, our team walked along our trail a bit. We were all taken aback by the beauty of the trail. There were some sections that were completely shaded by trees, and others that were submersed in sunlight. It was beautiful and wonderful to be outside on a sunny day like last Tuesday.

The part of the trail our team evened out

Additionally, our trail was right by the bison habitat. We were able to see some of the bison (pictured below). I had never seen them before, so it was definitely a treat to see. There was one bull, plenty of females, and a few babies. They had thick and tangled fur coats and beady black eyes. The bison all stayed together in the pack, eating the grass, relaxing, and sleeping. When we stumbled upon the buffalo, my team stood there for a while and just observed them. They were beautiful in their own way and I admired that.

At the end of our visit at the Fort Worth Nature Center for this week, my team walked back to our cars, admiring the beauty of our trail some more. It truly is a pleasure volunteering at the nature center this semester. It has brought a lot of perspective to my eyes, slowing down the pace of the semester for me. It allows me to take a step back, appreciate everything that is around me, and see the bigger picture in life. I have learned a lot about not only about the work it takes to up-keep a trail, but also about the importance of getting out in nature. Nature has endless benefits to physical and mental well-being. It is so hard in the busy schedule of our lives to make time to slow down and enjoy the outdoors, but this is so important. This class has truly imprinted this in me. 

Bison on our Trail